Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
