Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
