Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize