she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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