Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize