I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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