I can tuck mytits in my pants
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
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