I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
they need to just BURY HIM!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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