Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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