Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
