Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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