I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
