yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
