You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
