He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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