that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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