Heybabeimwearingurpanties
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
