i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
