OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
