So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
