I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
