where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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