I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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