About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You can't motorboat a personality
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
