Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
