I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
