just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
