The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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