Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
