There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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