I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
