I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
