I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
