Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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