thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
