i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
