Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am naked and annoyed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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