I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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