People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
