i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
