I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
