so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
