I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
