i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
