The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
