the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
