dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize