question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
