Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize