I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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