it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My hand turned me down
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The best revenge is premature balding
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
