I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
