first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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