This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
