Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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