so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
honey bunches of taint.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
