New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
