Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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