Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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