I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
