You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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