You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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