Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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