You're my little dorito
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I didn't notice because vodka
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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