Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
