FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
