also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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