Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
