So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
